careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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