Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
