I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
