My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
