I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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