I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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