Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
