K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
