Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
