I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
