note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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