There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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