im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
