My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
