guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
