There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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