I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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