between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
