her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm bleeding and have questions
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
