I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
