Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
