Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
