he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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