Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
