come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
