This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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