I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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