soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
