I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
