I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
