I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
