Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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