I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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