Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
