If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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