And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
