now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
