I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We got so high we made milksteak
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
