that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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