12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
