Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
