just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
