Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
