Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
