so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
