You really coming over, don't trick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
