Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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