I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have aggressive nipples.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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