Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
