woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
