don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you never un-have a 4some
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I deserve this hangover.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
