I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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