I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Drake has all the answers
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
